Support for Survivors
ABOUT CRIME & ABUSE
Abuse affects us all, and we all must be part of the solution. If you or someone you know needs support, contact our REACH Center 24 hour helpline at 518.943.4482. You are not alone.
Planning for Safety & Supporting Others
It's not as easy as simply walking away
Abusive relationships are extremely complex situations, and it takes a lot of courage to leave. There are countless reasons why people stay. Abuse is about power and control. When a survivor leaves their abusive relationship, they threaten the power and control their partner has established over the survivor's agency. This often causes the partner to retaliate in harmful ways.
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As a result, leaving is often the most dangerous period of time for survivors of abuse.
We're here for you
Safety & Supports
REACH Center 24 Hour Support Helpline
(518) 943-4482
Call our REACH Center helpline anytime, 24 hours a day. Trained staff provide crisis counseling and support services.
Planning for Safety
You are not alone
Planning for safety, whether it be an exit strategy or building a supportive system to be safe, is a great first step. There are countless reasons why people stay; being prepared can help create options, a supportive network, and help keep you safe.
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Violence can escalate when someone tries to leave an abusive relationship. Here are some important things to plan for and keep in mind before, during, and after making this important decision.
No matter the reason, leaving any relationship can be difficult; doing so in an abusive situation can feel impossible without the right access to support.
Preparing to Leave
Documenting the warning signs of abuse will help provide proof of your partner's behavior if you ever need it, for legal reasons or otherwise. For some survivors, it can simply be useful to validate your experience and process complex emotions.
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Ways to document abuse:
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Keep a journal of what you experience, including descriptions of how the incident made you feel.
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Write down statements you, your partner, or any witnesses make before, during, or after the abuse.
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Record dates, times, and descriptions of incidents.
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If furniture is overturned or items were thrown, describe the scene and take photos of the damage
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Document any injuries, no matter how small (with photos if possible).
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Seek medical care, even if there are no visible injuries, especially if you have been strangled or choked.
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File a report with police, if you determine that it's safe to do so.
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Additional ways to prepare:
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Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, such as a room with a lock or a friend's house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.​
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Try to set money aside or ask friends and/or family members to hold or lend you money.
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​Contact your local shelter and/or victim advocacy center for assistance.
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REACH Center 24 Hour Helpline: 518-943-4482​
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When You Leave
When you leave, there are many important things to remember to bring with you if at all possible. Preparing your safety plan to remember these items or have them easily accessible can help you be better equipped to leave safely.​​
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Identification:
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Driver's license.
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Your own and children's birth certificates
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Social Security cards
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Financial information — checking/savings account information, credit cards
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Legal Papers:
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Order of protection​
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Copies of lease, or deed to your home
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Car registration and insurance papers
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Health and life insurance papers
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Medical records for you and your children
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School records
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Work permits
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Green card/visa/passport
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Divorce/Marriage papers
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Custody papers
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Emergency Numbers:
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Local police and/or sheriff's dept.
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Local domestic violence program/shelter
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​Friends, relatives, and family members contact information​
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Local doctor's office and hospital
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County and/or District Attorney's office
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Other:
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Clothes
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Medications
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Extra set of house and car keys
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Pay-as-you-go cell phone or new phone
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Any evidence you have been collecting to show the abuse
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Any personal effects you want to keep, if possible (e.g., photos, jewelry, etc.)
After You Leave
Your safety plan should include ways to ensure your continued safety after leaving an abusive relationship. Depending on the situation and the abuser, leaving may lead to retaliation or other forms of abuse. These safety measures are important to consider.​​
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Change your locks and phone number
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Change the route you take for transporting children to school or going to work
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If you have a restraining order:
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Keep a certified copy with you at all times
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Inform friends, neighbors, school authorities, and employers
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Consider renting a post office box
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Be aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports​
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Be careful to whom you give ​​your new address and phone number
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Reschedule appointments that the abuser is aware off
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Inform people who take care of your children or pick up from school/activities
Interactive Guide
Create Your Own Safety Plan
The National Domestic Violence Hotline has an online interactive tool for creating your own safety plan. The guide will walk you through creating a set of actions that can help lower your risk of being hurt by an abusive partner. Our REACH Center can also work with you on developing a plan if it is safe for you to do so. Call our 24/hour helpline: 518-943-4482.
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Safety Alert:
The interactive guide requires you to enter information into the form. Before you begin, be sure the computer you are using is in a safe location and not being monitored by your partner.
Supporting Friends & Family
A little help can go a long way
Watching someone endure an abusive situation can be difficult, and it's not always clear how best to respond when you see warning signs of abuse.
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When it's someone you care about, you may want to "save them" and it may be hard to understand why they stay.
No matter the reason, leaving any relationship can be difficult; doing so in an abusive situation can feel impossible without the right access to support.
Emotional Supports
Relationship abuse is traumatic. People in any stage of an abusive relationship may need support to navigate the complex emotions and next steps.
Here are a few ways you can help provide emotional support:
Acknowledge that their situation is difficult, scary, and it's brave of them to regain control.
Not judging their decisions and refusing to criticize them or guilt them over a choice they make.
Remembering that you cannot "save them", it is up to you to support them. Decisions about their life is up to them to make.
While challenging, not speaking poorly of the abusive partner. Remember, they may blame themselves or still have feeling of love for that person. They may be defensive and/or start making excuses for their partner.
Help them create a safety plan. They may not know where to begin or how to process their thoughts or feelings.
Continuing to be supportive of them if they do end the relationship and are understandably lonely, upset, or return to their abusive partner.
Offering to go with them to any service provider or legal setting for moral support.
Material Supports
In addition to the mental and physical tolls an abusive relationship has, the survivor may also be financially dependent or otherwise lack access to material resources.
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Here are a few ways you can help provide material supports:
Help them identify a support network to assist with physical needs like housing, food, healthcare, and mobility.
Help them store important documents or a "to-go bag" in case of an emergency situation.
Encourage them to participate in activities outside of their relationship with friends and family and be there to support them.
Encourage them to talk to people who can provide further help and guidance (e.g., domestic violence shelter, REACH Center, etc.)
Don't post information about them on social media that could be used to identify them or where they spend time.
If they give you permission, help document instances of domestic violence in their life, including pictures of injuries, exact transcripts of interactions, and notes on a calendar of dates that instances occur.
